this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
