drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
