I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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