I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
