I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
