i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im part way to drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
