If i come over, it means nothing
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's official drugs can't kill me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
