Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
