I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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