The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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