listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
