i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
