I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
