i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I deserve this hangover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
