Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
