I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
