i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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