just come out here and I will go home with you...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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