could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
