Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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