I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
