dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
