hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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