at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
