I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
