He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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