dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
