my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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