Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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