I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
