can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
