I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
