where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
