I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
