Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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