I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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