Your dad touched me again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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