I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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