i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
