i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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