Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
