So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
