All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
