She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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