FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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