Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
