"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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