Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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