He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
