Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
