eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
