direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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