he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
