so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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