is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
